As many of you know i have been suffering non stop pain for the past almost 3 years now. It has been a rough ride for me. I have spent many night laying in my bed just wondering when all of this will be over or if it'll ever be over, any normal person would if they were in my shoes, but then again if anyone were in my shoes i think they would fall at the first step.
Ive hit those low points where i just am tired and just cry and just beg God to tell me why it had to be me to go through all this. Why should I keep having to put one foot in front of the other when all I want to do is sit down and cry? Sometimes at night I have horrible nightmares of Ohio, I get phantom pain in my face and head from all the surgeries. I wake up drenched in sweat, because i cant wake up from those nightmares no matter how hard I try I just have to wait for them to be over.
In this post that I read most recently it said God will give you more than you can handle I guarantee it. At first i was like what the crap no he wont. but then as I started reading it really hit home for me. It talks about how he gave you so much because we have to learn to turn to God and give our burden to him. I know that I try to do this by myself sometimes, I'm a little bit prideful with that. but we have to turn everything to The Lord. One of my favorite artist David Bowman created two of my favorite drawings called "My child" and "Peace" in both of these pictures it shows christ comforting a young woman I like to think that young woman is me because no matter what I am going through he is going to be there helping me get through it.
Just recently I was talking well more like venting to one of my really close friends. I had been having a really bad day and i just feeling tired and done. She said something that really affected me, she said something along the lines of you probably took this because you couldn't stand to see one of your brothers or sisters to go through it. And that probably is what happened and i said something really stupid i said well what kind of idiot would choose that?! But now that I have had the chance to think it over some more I realized that that was probably true. I have to be grateful that I don't have to see one of my friends go through this, I think it would kill me to see someone else go what i am going through right now.
I encourage you guys to read the other post it is really good. And I'm so grateful for my friends who help me through it by the hugs and uplifting text and everything else. I'm especially grateful for my close friend don't know what I would do without her. But I think one of the greatest people to be grateful for is Christ he wants us to put our burden on him, he wants to be able to help us we all have to let him. I know I have a little bit of a hard time with it but I'm trying to be better! Well its getting late and i have to get all the rest I can, i have the flu on top of all of this other crap. joy! Thanks for reading and have a good night!