It Ain't All Sunshine And Butterflies

      So this post is about to get real guys.... Like real real the depressing then happy real if you get what I mean....

      Life honestly guys it sucks sometimes, we all know this. As far as I'm concerned NOBODY'S life is perfect! We all have our bull crap that we go through! And this is mine ( this is where it gets real guys)

    See life as a person with Treacher Collins Syndrome (TCS as I often refer to it as) is crap sometime, (I can't speak for anyone else when I write this is my own thinking and experiences.) endless doctors appointment, 100+ hours of surgeries, probably years of hospital stays, millions of dollars put into medical stuff not just surgeries, dissapointments, depression, and the stares. I haven't logged all my hours in the OR yet but I'm sure if I did I'd be well over my age. Spending hours at the doctors and hospitals you learn really quick what to take and what not to take with you, the money spend on medical stuff is astounding and that's what insurance pays. But flights for surgeries, hospital bills, gas bills, bills, bills, and more bills! t adds up to a lot! 

    The emotional side is a completely different story, the bad news that a doctor can't help you can destroy a person you build up so much hope and sometimes they take it down in a single sentence. Having a surgery not work for one reason or another is devastating the hours spent prepping for it and having it not work out in the long run is so freaking frustrating. I'll admit depression it hits hard, oh there are dark dark dark days. There are days when I do go to the store or something and I'm usually pretty good about ignoring the stares or smiling but if I have had a bad day or I'm just sick of it I do snap. It doesn't happen very often but it dose. Its annoying! Imagine going into Target and walking around and people are just gapping, honestly I have wanted to wear a mirror so they can see how ridicules they look.  But then I figure ehh I'm working it so let them stare. ( this is why I never leave the house in sweats or pjs.) 

    But one thing I've learned through out every single thing I've gone through is that its okay. its okay to go through crap, its okay to have people stare, its okay to feel depressed. Because the thing is YOU ARE ALLOWED TO FEEL WHATEVER YOU WANT TO FEEL. BUT IT'S WHAT YOU DO WITH THAT FEELING THAT WILL AFFECT YOU.  My therapist told me that once and it has stuck like glue to me. I love it!  So I have no clue if this will help anyone. If it dose great if not it helped me so great! 

   I know its been a while since I've written but thats because I've been going through a lot, I'll write another post on that soon. It'll be a long one.